The Gift of Unanswered Prayer

Sometimes God's "no" is exactly what we need.
By Jerry Sittser

It is every mother's worst nightmare. Her 3-year-old son, Kostya, is dying of an incurable disease. The mother believes that God can heal her little boy. She alternates agonizingly between hope and despair, fighting and giving up. Still, she prays, "imbuing her prayer with all the power of her soul, although somewhere deep within her she feared that God would not move the mountain-that He would act not according to her desires, but according to His own will."

	Strange as it may sound, we need unanswered prayer.

Her little boy dies. Why? she thinks to herself. Why would the God to whom I prayed so much allow him to die?

The great Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy tells this woman's story in a short story titled "Prayer," which he wrote after reading about a shipwreck in the United States in which many children died. Tolstoy wrote the story to explore the problem of unanswered prayer.

I read the story only recently, when I was pondering the problem myself. I once thought that unanswered prayer was either the result of God's sovereign will, which functions like a trump card, making our prayers largely irrelevant, or the result of human failure, which makes our prayers unacceptable to God, however needy we are. In either case, the outcome is the same-unanswered prayer.

A startling idea
Tolstoy put me into a new idea, both troubling and helpful. What would happen, I wondered, if all our prayers were answered?

I searched my memory, trying to recall some of the prayers I prayed many years ago. I thought about the early and heady years of serving as a youth pastor in southern California when I was ready to conquer the world, with or without Christ. Within two years the high school group I led grew from 20 members to 125. It was the group in the area to attend. I was riding a wave of success. I witnessed many answers to prayer and enjoyed the fruits of my labor. Everything I touched turned into gold.

	We pray not only as saints but also as sinners, very much inclined to use prayer to advance our own selfish interests.

Eventually the ministry leveled off and lost momentum. And thank God it did, for I had become insufferably proud, a self-appointed expert in youth ministry. I wonder what would have happened to me had all my prayers been answered during those early years of ministry, if our group had continued to grow, if our program had continued to receive recognition. Perhaps unanswered prayer was good for me.

When we pray, we pray not only as saints but also as sinners, very much inclined to use prayer to advance our own selfish interests, even when we pray out of desperation. Prayer for that reason is highly complex. On the one hand, the very act of praying reminds us that we are children of God. On the other hand, that same act of praying exposes us for the fallen creatures we are.

Thus, there are prayers God won't or can't answer, for our own good.

Winners and losers
We often say selfish prayers without thinking much about them. We pray for parking spaces when we're running late, never considering that ten other people, as late as we are, might be praying, too, for the two remaining spaces available in the parking garage. We pray for victories in elections, forgetting that victory for one party means defeat for another party that might be just as prayerful as we are. We pray for success in business, though increased sales in our business might undermine competitors down the street who are praying for the same thing and need success more than we do. Not that these prayers are necessarily wrong, but we should remember that answers to our prayers might be at someone else's expense.

When my oldest son, David, was in elementary school, he played on a soccer team that dominated the city league. However, during the final city tournament, they had to square off against a team that had beaten them badly only a few weeks before. Both teams played well. At the end of regulation play, the score was tied 2 to 2. So they had to go into a shootout, where five players from each team shoot against the opposing goalkeeper from twelve yards out. Whichever team scores the most goals in the shootout wins the match.

The parents on our side turned the match into something akin to a medieval crusade, complete with all the spiritual overtones. I heard several parents mutter, "Please, Lord, let our boys win." One woman said, "God, if they win, I will believe in you again." Not to be outdone, I-a seasoned Christian, an ordained minister, an author of books on theology, a professor with a Ph.D.-joined this chorus and even conjured up several reasons why God should answer our prayers.

Our team won when our goalkeeper blocked the last shot. The kids went wild, leaping into the air and piling on top of each other. It looked like a scene from a Disney movie. One parent said, "I believe there's a God again." Being more modest and pious, I simply uttered a prayer of thanksgiving under my breath.

	When we pray for victory, as sometimes we must, we should always pray with humility.

We had no way of knowing, of course, what was happening on the other side of the field. I learned more about the other team only recently, some five years later, when I met a Christian parent from the opposing side. In the course of our conversation she described a tournament championship in which her son had played years earlier. Their team "needed" that victory, she said, to add the finishing touches to the only winning season they had ever had. But they lost-"in a shootout and on the last shot." Only then did I realize that she was talking about our championship match.

Did God answer our prayers and deny theirs? I don't think so. For all I know, God answered their prayers in a more significant way. Perhaps they had been praying that their sons would grow up well, learning to honor God, to become people of character, and to develop perspective in life. Adversity, after all, probably does more to help people grow up than easy victories. In the end losing might have been better for them than winning was for us.

This is an innocent example. But not every case is so innocent. Sometimes people pray for victory when the stakes are high and prayer seems like the only alternative to despair and defeat. Christians on opposing sides have prayed for victory in conflicts that were-and are-far more serious and deadly. Some Christians in the United States are praying for Israel's victory over the Palestinians, while Christians in Palestine are praying not for victory but for peace. Again, some Christians in Northern Ireland are praying for the defeat of "the enemy," whether Protestant or Catholic, while other Christians are praying not for vindication but for reconciliation. And some Christians in the United States are praying for economic recovery in our nation, while Christians in other parts of the world are praying for enough food to survive another day.

That is the danger of praying for victory. Our cause may be right, in a narrow sense. But we may still be wrong-manifesting pride, gloating in victory, punishing wrongdoers with excessive severity, and excusing sin. The great hazard for people on a crusade is that, however legitimate the crusade, they become blind to their own faults. They oppose abortion but don't care about the needs of women. They fight for civil rights but treat secretaries and janitors like second-class citizens. They uphold the standards of biblical sexuality but show little grace toward their spouse.

So when we pray for victory, as sometimes we must, we should always pray with humility. Otherwise the "victories" we gain will be won at too great a cost. What does it profit, asks Jesus, if we gain the whole world-winning every conflict in which we are engaged-but lose our own soul?

Protection from ourselves
Strange as it may sound, we need unanswered prayer. It is God's gift to us because it protects us from ourselves. If all our prayers were answered, we would only abuse the power. We would use prayer to change the world to our liking, and it would become hell on earth. Like spoiled children with too many toys and too much money, we would only grab for more. We would pray for victory at the expense of others; we would be intoxicated by power. We would hurt other people and exalt ourselves.

Unanswered prayer protects us. It breaks us, deepens us, and transforms us. Ironically, the unanswered prayers of the past, which so often leave us feeling hurt and disillusioned, serve as a refiner's fire that prepares us for the answered prayers of the future.

10 Ways NOT to Place People into Ministry
Learn from these mistakes.
by Jamie Atkins

As director of ministry placement, I've made my share of mistakes. Here are some of the biggest I've made. I share them so you don't have to repeat them! 

1. Don't pray about it.

If God gives the vision for a ministry, He always prepares the players to make it happen. Successful ministries grow in God's own timing.

2. Assume everyone you ask to serve will stick it out automatically.

People stay in the game because they feel needed and valuable. A coach is the one who can keep the vision and purpose before volunteers as they go about doing ministry that God has equipped them to do. It is our responsibility to provide ongoing training and support. We must reinforce their job description and its boundaries. We must ask them often, "How can I better support you? How can I make things easier for you? What tools do you need?"

3. Don't allow people to tell you where they want to serve.

You can sell your idea or your pity story and hook someone who has the gift of "I can't say no," or you can go for a win/win situation for both sides.

The perfect fit in placing someone in ministry comes when you take the time to talk with them and provide testing instruments that will reveal to you both their spiritual gifts, personality style, and God-given passion or burden.

• Ask about their beliefs, their church history, and involvement.
• Talk with their Bible study teachers and friends within the church.
• Be intentional about really getting to know this person, then invite them into a ministry area in which they are gifted and passionate.

I like to give folks several options to consider and pray about. We also allow them to "test drive" a ministry, by connecting them to another member already serving before committing to an assignment.

Also, I never leave a new servant in a role very long without assessing the fit. If it is wrong, end it immediately and begin the quest and praying for another area.

4. Give them a task with no training or clear expectation and let them hang themselves.

I asked one man to take an important role, which he agreed to immediately. I had observed this man in church life for years. He was a deacon, a godly man, attended every Sunday, always pleasant and smiling, a newly retired CEO of a large company—the perfect fit for a leadership role coupled with the gift of administration.

His first Sunday as leader, he delegated every responsibility then sat down. That's the way he had led in business. It demoralized his team in just one Sunday. I had not clearly explained his role, so we prayed, we discussed ways to better lead the team, and he willingly became a servant rather than a leader and all was well. Today, two years later, he fills the same role successfully.

5. If people are doing their job well, don't worry too much about their spiritual life.

At peak traffic, it seems like a million vans and sports utility vehicles are entering our campus at the same time. It seems that each family has three or four small children running across traffic to the church building. My concern for safety grew quickly. Once again God sent the perfect person to head this traffic team.

This man was a complete stranger to me, but he had all the right plans of action, started immediately, brought with him half his Bible study class to work. I got to know him and discovered that this man was a former Special Agent with the Narcotics Division. He had resigned because his wife cried so hard every time he left home wearing a bulletproof vest. Now he could play cops and robbers safely and for God. What a deal!

Bob could make things happen. He persuaded me to get a crosswalk painted, put signs in the parking lot that said, "Slow down, Watch for children," and hire a CPR instructor to teach the entire team for certification. He did a great job on Sundays.

But the more I got to know Bob, I began to discover a very strong personality and "my way or the highway" attitude. Bob has great insight for the team. He could make things happen, but he didn't like being a fellow servant. He didn't like the boundaries I set and he couldn't just hang with the team and love them.

I asked Bob to step down. I soon learned that he was dealing with deep depression and it was obvious that God was dealing with him, though he didn't yet see it. My first concern for Bob was his spiritual life. It needed repairing. I gave up a leader because his spiritual growth is more valuable to this church and to God for now. He is back in Bible study and worship, probably rearranging and directing some things. I continue to pray for his family and know he will return to the team in God's own timing. My desire for Bob is to be whole.

6. Just make up the rules as the ministry grows.

Before you begin building a team, have purpose and plan. Know the needs and opportunities available in your church. What is God calling your church to do new, different, better? Have a printed job description for everything. Have someone in place to train, coach, and mentor every volunteer. Correctly interpret their position to further the kingdom.

You are headed for complete disaster if you simply want a ministry in place by fall and you begin pulling people together and expect them to wing it. It is your responsibility to think through the details and spell it out on paper. Never tell them, "I trust your judgment, go for it." Ownership and authority can be passed on after volunteers are secure in the position and you have shared the church's vision and they have bought into it. You'll know it is time when you see a passion for this area of ministry in their heart larger than your own.

Every position must have direction, coaching, support, and practical guidelines. After proper time for performance, feedback, re-training, and buying into the church's vision, then you can give them the authority to call the shots and make changes, trusting them to do so.

7. Distinguish too much between volunteers and staff.

It's easier to blame volunteers for their poor performance and lack of motivation rather than to blame ourselves for our lack of coaching. We are the ones who determine their motivation. We are the ones who should equip them to lead.

These people we lead are ministers, not just warm bodies doing a job. They do ministry, not tasks. In many cases, they have the heart and gifts to do ministry as we do. The only difference is we get the paycheck.

Pastor and staff must support and uphold their responsibilities to the laity of the church. Staff is hired to resource ministry and to help equip and coordinate other people. Ministry is now done by teams. The staff must equip and assist the lay leaders. We need to get past territorialism and the "we/they."

Volunteers are not here for us. Staff is here to help them do ministry, too. One way Christ built His kingdom is by instilling His compassion into the hearts of His followers, who in turn minister to each other and to the whole world.

8. Just keep them happy on Sunday.

We know we're on the right track when volunteers take what they do on Sunday into what they do on Monday. The result is a group of people who are loving God and letting God work through them. We must respect their faith and values and share the ministry. Ministry placement is a lifelong journey of helping people discover, be affirmed, and grow in their gifts and call for service in the church and in the world.

All believers secretly wish to make a unique contribution to the body of Christ with our unique passions, spiritual gifts, and personality style. We have a responsibility to provide opportunities of service. The resources are in the pews of your very own congregation. Teach them about their God-given gifts; show them how to live an abundant life in service.

9. Direct the program from your Ivory Tower.

• Administer spiritual gift and personality inventories and begin to invest in people.
• Explain why you want to try something different.
• Considered how it will affect each person on the team.
• Never asked someone to serve where you have not already done a "test drive" yourself so you can fully know the responsibilities and commitment needed.

When I serve with people, I do not observe the servants. I observe the flow, the needs being met, ways to simplify their efforts, and any supplies/tools they need.

10. Believe you can start a new ministry and have it ready by Sunday.

To do ministry effectively and work with life-long committed servants, placement must be a slow process and ongoing effort without deadlines. Think about Jesus and the disciples.

• He hand picked twelve to follow.
• He trained them in the fundamentals and sent them out as free agents.
• He taught them how to lean on the Holy Spirit.
• He encouraged them to nurture their communion with God.
• He called them to ministries of justice and compassion and to work on inward growth and outward service.

Volunteers are also called to follow. With care, sensitivity, and reverent imaginations, we can reflect the original design for the church in the will of God.

So wait as you pray for the highest quality of volunteers who will bring to the team commitment, compassion, consistency, chemistry, and competency. A lay minister is a child of God chosen to do ministry which will benefit their relationship with Him. 

I get to see the best of what God is doing in individual's lives, in the church as a whole, and in our community. I serve a church who transforms belief into behavior, which results in service to others. That becomes more true every day. We are building teams. We don't shy away from change! In fact, we know that our ability to embrace and interpret change is absolutely vital to our commitment to service to our fellowship. As I lead and watch this church grow, my greatest joy is to see volunteers impact others for Christ.

Jamie Atkins is Director of Ministry Placement and Body-Life Team Leader at The People's Church in Franklin, Tennessee

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Revisiting the Pagan Olympic Games New scholarship on the ancient Olympics reminds Christians why Emperor Theodosius outlawed the event so many centuries ago. By Steven Gertz It begins with an austere mask shattering into pieces, revealing the true focus of this magical night—the human body. Minutes later, a centaur (half human, half horse) launches into the darkness a "javelin," a shaft of light arching through the air. Then the Greek god Eros descends over scantily clad lovers sensually clutching and releasing each other as they frolic in the water. Finally the procession of Greek history begins, with float after float parading the progress of Greek sport, science, mathematics, warfare, theatre, and—culminating in the persona of the goddess Athena and a replica of the Parthenon—religion. Over all this, Eros hovers, as though the god of love is guiding the course of human history. Christianity was not entirely absent from this spectacular opening ceremony of the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens. When 96 percent of your country's population identifies itself as Greek Orthodox, you had better represent the church in your rehearsal of national history. But the Christian faith got only a cameo in the sacred story spanning millennia. In a spectacle celebrating the human body and what it can do, why fete the religious prudes responsible for outlawing the Games more than 1,600 years ago? Read the papers, listen to the media networks, check out the history bits on the Olympic website, and usually all you'll find about this little-known episode of Christian censorship is a cryptic remark that in a.d. 393, Roman emperor Theodosius banned the Games, along with other festivals, for being "too pagan." Under the emperor's direction, fanatical Christians closed and later tore down ancient wonders of the world, most notably the Temple of Zeus built in Olympia and the Temple of Serapis in Alexandria. Search a bit more, and you might discover Theodosius's successor, Theodosius II, ordered his Roman army in 426 to demolish the impressive stadium of Olympia, which could accommodate more than 40,000 spectators at its peak. The world would have to wait until the modern era before the marvels of the human body and the brilliance of the civilization that dreamed up the Olympics could once again go on display. But is that really all there is to the story? Is it really fair to caricature Christians as anti-sport, anti-body? After all, didn't Christians have a part in birthing the Olympics we know today?  More than this, new historical research suggests Emperor Theodosius may have had some very good reasons for outlawing the Games—ancient Olympia sponsored a few events the International Olympic Committee might just look askance at today. Not to mention what went on outside the arena. Olympic Gore In the August 9, 2004 issue of U.S. News & World Report, journalist Betsy Carpenter offered some penetrating insights (via respected historians) into the ancient Olympics we thought we knew so well. She writes, "Almost every dewy-eyed notion about the ancient games is shriveling in the light of the revisionist scholarship." The idea that the Olympics gave amateurs a chance at glory is assuredly a romantic one. First of all, Carpenter notes, the original Olympians were professionals—in the sense that they trained and competed virtually full time. Top athletes shuttled around other prestigious sporting events, much as they do today. And victors profited royally from their wins, snatching front-row seats at the Games, huge cash prizes, pensions, and even slaves.  But at least the Greeks prized the noble virtues of "agility, speed, and coordination," right? Certainly some of the events—particularly the races—suggest this. But one of the most popular events at the ancient games was the four-horse chariot race, Carpenter writes, which often ended in gory pileups. The racetrack, which sent its athletes spinning around turn posts, made for multiple spills and accidents. Sophocles tells the story of one young driver flung out of his chariot head-over-heels. "When his companions caught the runaway team and freed the blood-stained corpse from his rig, he was disfigured and marred past the recognition of his best friend." Nor was every death accidental. The Olympics also featured a "ferocious, no holds-barred brawl known as the pankration. . . [This] was a vicious mix of wrestling, boxing, and street fighting in which punches, kicks to the groin, shoulder and ankle dislocations, and chokeholds were allowed." One infamous contestant earned the nickname "Mr. Digits" as he specialized in breaking his opponents' fingers. Spectators of boxing events witnessed comparable violence—historian Stephen Miller recounts the story of one Damoxenos who jabbed his opponent with his fingers sticking straight out, pierced the man's rib cage, and yanked out his intestines! It's not difficult to imagine what Christians thought of all this. Sport itself was not necessarily off-limits to Christians—consider St. Paul's reference to "running the good race" in his letter to the Galatians. But bishops and ministers would assuredly have discouraged Christians from competing in the Olympics' combat sports. In fact, the third century minister Hippolytus listed 24 vocations forbidden to Christians in his book, Apostolic Traditions; and eight of these involved brutality, including chariot driving. For that matter, church fathers from Justin Martyr to Origen to Tertullian counseled Christians to shun violence, even if they did it in self-defense. Competing for the gods Moreover, Christians could not have participated in the Games, because they were so thoroughly pagan. Before the Games began, competitors processed to the village of Piera on the outskirts of Olympia. There, priests sacrificed a fat pig to Zeus, and the athletes participated in a ceremony of purification. Once the contestants had been confirmed, the priests repeated the ceremony, this time sacrificing a pig and sheep before the colossal statue of Zeus in Olympia. The athletes then swore allegiance to the Greek gods and fidelity to Zeus. Nor were the gods relegated to the opening ceremonies. Winners of events visited the Temple of Zeus to sacrifice to the gods, and half of every animal was delivered to the priests to be prepared for the Olympic feast. That feast, held on the third day of the Games, was marked by a procession—priests scooped up glowing embers from the fire of Hestia, goddess of the hearth, then carried those embers past spectators singing a hymn to Zeus. Arriving at the Temple of Zeus, the priests mounted the steps and lit the fire in the altar with the embers. There, the priests slaughtered and sacrificed 100 bulls—one at a time—after which the feasting began. If this wasn't offensive enough to Christian sensibilities, Greek men competed in the nude—apparently, one runner early in the Games' history lost his loincloth en route and ended up winning the race, thereby encouraging everyone else to follow suit. Married women were not allowed in the stands; women who flouted this prohibition ran the risk of being pitched head first off of nearby cliffs. But unmarried women were allowed to watch; and hetaeras, or "high-class" escort girls, would prostitute themselves during the banquets for Olympic victors. Some of these women likely came from the population of temple prostitutes dedicated to Aphrodite, goddess of love and sex. An Emperor Says "Enough" We begin to understand more of why the Roman emperor Theodosius (A.D. 346-395), intent upon not only tolerating Christians—as Constantine had—but also making Christianity the state religion, would do away with the Olympics. To be sure, he at first seemed to put up with the pagan aristocracy, and the senator Symmachus even hoped that the emperor would reinstate the ceremony to the gods at the Altar of Victory in Rome. But Theodosius came under the tutelage of the bishop Ambrose of Milan during a series of military campaigns he was waging in Italy (by that time the capital had moved from Rome to Constantinople), and Ambrose fanned the flames of Theodosius's Christian faith and conscience. And so, on February 24, 391, the emperor began issuing a series of decrees that effectively outlawed Greco-Roman paganism and all the rituals that accompanied it. First, he prohibited pagan sacrifice, including—for the first time—the state ceremonies still practiced in Rome. Then came the closing of all shrines and temples: "No person shall approach the shrines, nor walk through the temples, nor revere the images formed of mortal hands." Next came a law forbidding apostasy from Christianity to paganism, and finally, on November 8, 392, Theodosius declared all sacrifice and divination punishable by death. That meant destroying private altars, domestic idols placed in hearth and kitchen, hanging garlands, etc. Bishop Ambrose was ecstatic, praising "Theodosius who, after the example of Jacob, supplanted perfidious tyrants and banished the idols of the gentiles; who in his faith wiped out all worship of graven images, and trampled down their ceremonies." And the Games Return Of course, all this is ancient history now—we moderns have revived the Games without all this mythological nonsense. Or have we? Consider our present-day Olympian anthem: "Ancient Immortal Spirit, chaste Father of all that is Beauty, Grandeur and Truth Descending appear with Thy presence Illumine Thine Earth and the Heavens. Shine upon noble endeavors wrought at the Games on Track and in the Field … To Thine Temple, to Thy Worship, come all. Oh! Ancient Eternal Spirit!" Yes, athletes no longer sacrifice animals to Zeus. And yes, a number of Christian athletes are performing in these Games. But I wonder if, last Friday night when Eros descended to give his blessing on the ceremonies, Theodosius was frowning from beyond. And I wonder if we should have frowned as well. Copyright © 2004 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information. Read other readers' responses to this article